Pleasure

All things pleasurable. From a plate of aglio oglio to a hug from a friend.
From catching a glimpse of your crush, catching a glimpse of you, to enjoying the wind and warmth of Spring. All things grow, all things grow. 


The incredibly insane weather in Indiana, and my rebellious nose. Spring break, I don't really need to enjoy the warm beach just like the Hoosiers. I just need to chill. Relax and do some Math. Reading some Lahiri, Binge eating stuff and Shane Claiborne. And trying to get closer to Jesus Christ and His Dad. Exactly how important is spring break to me? I mean, thank God for blessing me with this weather. I don't have to start getting all jealous that my friends are in Florida or North Carolina right now enjoying the sun. Have I not gotten enough sun for the last 16 years in sunny island Singapore?


This is enough. Jesus is enough. Enough for me. I'm blessed. Breaks can wait. All I need now is to get good grades. Not for myself, or my brother or mum. For Anderson, for Indiana, for my face. I need a break, but I need to stay here even more.


I talked to Jo Dumontelle today and she absolutely make sense. "Cultural Difference" is indeed scary. I need to selectively listen to people. I'm learning everyday. I'm not perfect. I need understanding but people are not perfect too. Forgive. Forget. 


My netbook's battery is running out. Like my energy is. Time for pasta! First time eating at greek's :) 

Passion

Talk about keeping on track. I kind of lost the drive to continue my cultural shock blog posts. That clearly shows the enormous amounts of things I can talk about. Plus I became freaking stalker. After realizing that people who in my opinion shouldn't even be friends who are currently an item, it scares me and I need to know what's going on in Singapore. Hence, I am too tired to think of that. Yeah, that's just an update.


Being in College makes it hard to not talk about passion. So what is my passion. I would love to be a Victoria's Secret angel or maybe be on ANTM, how about a ballet dancer. Sorry Linette, that's ridiculous. Secret: I CAN'T DANCE FOR NUTS. Except the "sexy and I know it dance" ;) So anyway, what's my point? I'm not a believer of the phrase "I'm passionate about this, hence whatever I say or do is all about my passion and I want to marry my passion and I love every single this about it." Okay, that wasn't exactly a phrase but whatever. I know of so some people who thinks about their passion all day and all night, eating or bathing or sleeping or shitting they just talk about their passion. 


Okay let's be serious. I am a woman of many "passions", once a competitive swimmer, a pianist, guitarist, cheerleader, floorball player, and I get pretty decent grades. I love sports, most sports, I make music pretty well, I'm quite good at Math, I love literature, Chinese, English, some French, I'm kind of a fashionista. I'm a jack of all trades, master of none. I'm jealous of people who know what they want out of life. Knowing what you want out of life is different from having a passion. It is living a dream, a dream that might or might not be about the things that you're passionate about. Some people dream to make money, some people want to be famous, some just want a normal life, some people want to understand poverty. 


I always thought that being a jack of all trades is a wonderful thing because it mean't that I could have back up plans. I'm blessed with talents and I'm proud to say that I'm pretty all-rounded. I say it like a typical Asian would. But I don't know what I want out of life. I'm not good at anything. Going to try to be more "focused". Sigh...


"Great spirits have always encountered violent oppositions from mediocre minds."
-Albert Einstein

Indiana

I'm glad i never lived next to the water
So I could never get used to the beach
And I'm glad I never grew up on a mountain
To figure out how high the world could reach
I love the miles between me and the city
Where I quietly imagine every street
And I'm glad I'm only picturing the moment
I'm glad she never fell in love with me-Jon McLaughlin


These are the kind of people I live in right here in Anderson, Indiana. Before you start going on about how people should love peace and quietness in a small town, let me shut you up with this blogpost about the beauty of cultural shock.


Let me clarify this. I don't hate corn fields and villages, neither do I hate Skyscrapers and city people. 


Let's start from last July. It wasn't my first time in the US and I was excited about the cool weather. Sadly, when I came out of the airport in my jeans and black t-shirt, it was even warmer than Singapore. As usual, I started blaming my mum for making me so "wrapped-up". My plane landed at Chicago and so my brother had to pick me up. DUH? I was only 16 that that time! Not that I'm much older now. So anyway, it was darn hot and I never knew this side of America could get that warm.


Chicago was beautiful, it was pretty like Singapore, prettier actually. Then we came to Anderson and everything changed. The land was flat and there were cornfields everywhere. Oh wow, where did the "snowy cornfield" description go to? The first few things that amazed me in Indiana was 1) RICKER'S (the culprit for freshman 15) 2) Self-checkouts at the supermarket (commonly known as "the store") 3) People from Indian (Hoosiers) call soft-drinks or carbonated drinks "pop". 4) There are NO public transports here.


Then school started and I was kind of excited but I was absolutely freaking out because speaking to people with blonde hair and blue eyes scared the crap outta me. While staying in the dorms I learn't to stop stereotyping. When I was in my room the first few nights, there were only 5 girls in my hall. One of them had pink streaks on her straight blonde hair. First thought that came to my mind was "AH LIAN??" I was freaking out because they was volleyball players and they was probably mean and bitchy. Oh yes, Sarah, the blonde and Kelly, th red-head, they weren't at all. I only found out they were nice many weeks after. I was also praying like a mad bitch that my roommate won't be black because I was scared of them. 


Soon, other girls arrived and my roommate was the last.. DUH? I should've known. If you wanna hear stories about her I can go on for 2 nights. All of them were awesome. 


I also discovered that black people are way nicer than I thought. In fact, almost all the blacks I know are super duper nice, even nicer than whites. Except the crazy woman from chapel. I kind of regret praying that I'll get a white girl as my roommate. I'd rather have Kayla or Chhabria as my roommate than that kuhrazy girl. 


I then discovered that a lot of my friends hung out a lot at Walmart as a high school kid. I mean in Singapore, I hung out a lot at Tampines Mall in SHSS and Causeway Point in IJC. People will laugh at you if you say you love hanging out at NTUC.. you go buy what? chicken ah? Seriously.. Then I found the joys of getting candy and cleaning wipes from Walmart of Meijer. Simple joys :) Maybe that's the reason for my Freshman 15. Regular trips to Rickers.. IRRISTABLE. 


There are still many other "cultural shocks" that I've received, stay tuned...


Here's Hot chelle ray.. The part about "Everybody drinks on me, bought outta the bar." sounds like "everybody bring some meepok outta the bar." I like it like that.

Empty Promises

I make so many empty promises to myself.
I said I would study this whole week but I ended up getting so distracted over my phone and trying to be a good friend, or even to be a good person. My main goal this semester is to get good grades and good grades only. Isn't that sad? How can you just say that this is cultural difference? How is this whole entire thing my fault? 


That was a quick update about my ridiculous abnormal studying habits. I really hate this so much. I'm so busy and I have no time for my friends. I've tried to stop making friends altogether so that I would have enough time for my friends who are already my friends but I feel like the only time I actually hang out with them is when I need them to take me to Walmart or at&t. I feel like I'm making use of them and I don't have time to comfort them when they need me or have fun activities with them. I hate that when people ask me if I had a good weekend I can only say "oh it was alright". When even that statement is an understatement. I do have a pretty sad life and I have plenty of sad stories. Interesting sad stories. 
I don't have time for monkey business or fun stuff. My room is messed up. Dear God, what are you trying to tell me? To stop making friends? To start being a loner? Seriously?
I'm going nuts. This is not me. I hate this person I'm trying to be. I hate her. I hate her so much.

What about love?

The topic of love has been prominently raised the last couple of days and it made me stop and think about the how important romantic love had been in my life. Not many love stories to tell and I've never taken my "love-life" seriously. Avoiding love just because of disappointments, mostly in other people's lives.

So what if I'll never get married and be a 100 year old virgin? No big deal. Then came the point when I entered AU. Well, if you know America well enough, you probably wouldn't think that having a dozen of friends who aren't very much older than you who are engaged surprising. It was surprising for me and I'll be honest, I do not feel any pressure about marriage at all. I care about how guys think of me, no exception, but I don't really want to think about anything that has to do with marriage or even get in to a relationship right now. I don't like unpredictability. Absolutely detest it. But I still get dreamy once in a while.

I was talking to a friend about marriage because we're both single and available but not quite ready and we have too many friends who are engaged already. Considering the fact that I'm only 17 and most of my friends back home aren't even close to the point where marriage should be a consideration. 

I told her that even if I were to get a guy right now I wouldn't want to get married till after grad school. I wouldn't even be 21 by the time I graduate from here. My perfect age to get married is 26 actually. So it'll be WAY after grad school. And then again the dodobirds here in AU are probably way older than I am.

I had another conversation with another friend who has a boyfriend and she blatantly told me that I won't be her bridesmaid because she has a lot of girl friends back home, which was fine with me. The point is that she's actually thought of her wedding already. The passing remark "OMG you guys are gonna get married and have beautiful babies" is becoming more than a passing remark. The fact about me not wanting to get married until 26 kind of made her smirk like as if I would change my mind once I get attached. I doubt it but you'll never know ;)

That's it. This is the end of my awkward conversations and my escapist personality.

Complementary 

The weather is beautiful, 

Perfect for a cup of tea.

That cup of tea, oh who,

Would be the perfect complement

To this burnt biscotti.


Ok this song doesn't really have anything to do with my blogpost so yeah :) ILOVE THIS SONG THOUGH!!!! 

Praise Him in the storm

Despite the regrets we all have, I guess it's time to face the truth, what's over is over, dwelling over things we regret is just a waste of time. Realizing that part of you is gone. Realizing that I flunked my first semester in college. They're gone.

Spring break is in less than a week and I'm absolutely not looking forward to it. I've learn't to always seek for an escape route when you're stuck in a maze. Just find your way out, some how, and then find an Oasis where you can take a break and rest. 

After finding out that I'll be spending some "quality" time at the bottom of decker doing 2 sections of Calculus or D. Math a day while the mean bitch work from 8am to 5pm. It was extremely devastating and I almost burst in to tears again. No, I did not. I learn't that maybe it would be kind of embarrassing to be seen by others in AU despite it being Spring break, but I could always head out to DQ or Deluxe donuts, read my unfinished books and drink some coffee, eat some donuts or ice cream once I'm done. I mean, I do have a bunch of Literature books I haven't even started reading. 

God has a plan. Always.

I don't even want to imagine how this 1 week break would be like. But at least I have plans. Kind of.

I can feel the pressure it's getting closer now..

Things do get better

Talked to mum today.
Although the whole idea about me being stressed isn't getting in to her head but I can feel that things are going to get better. Especially if I drop business law I do hope I do well for the test though. I need A's, nothing less. I'm just going to put my trust in God, work hard like a maniac. I guess I have to deal with staying over at the mad house. Eventually hard work WILL pay off. I need to exercise more too because it does help me reduce stress and reduce my mushrooms so I'll look fab for summer! Also I might quit my job or just take lesser hours. I need to decide on whether I'm going to quit or just work less hours.


"What doesn't kill you make you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

What does kill me makes me a fighter

Footsteps even lighter"


*Notice the girl in the China flag shirt? It made me laugh a bit LOL*